Monday, August 23, 2010

"Direct" Flight to Amarillo

Well I just spent over 9 hours on one Southwest plane that made 3 stops along the way on my direct flight. On the long leg from Tampa to Austin, I sat next to/babysat an uncompanied minor. 8 fixing on 9 yr old Erin (though later she said her name was Isabella but every one called her Erin (a statement, among the many others I found suspect). At first it was fun; she was a chatty, precious girl who told me about her trip to Tampa to see her uncle. School was starting tomorrow and she would be in third grade. Things turned awkward when she preceeded to tell me her dad died on Christmas eve. I struggled to find the best words to tell her. Then she asked to me tons of questions: do I have kids, am I a teenager, can I touch your hair, do you have poison ivy on your face (no kid that is a badly covered zit and trust be in 7 years you will get them too). Things got out of control by her second coca-cola. Sugar and caffeine and children should never mix. She was starting to jump up and down and I was trying my absolute best to entertain her with my palm pilot game and hang man. She then took over control of my ipod and I searched with much dismay as to what in my musical selection is appropriate for an 8 year old. We decided the Fray. Then the boy in front of her gave her his swedish fish and the sugar levels sky rocketed. I had to keep her from constantly calling the flight attendant button, throwing candy at the people in front of us, and frequently pulling my whole body slam into the window to look out at what was always Austin.

I finally sent the little one off. I have to tell you in all my past years of babysitting, she took the cake and I didn't even get paid. What was worse was she had similiar colored hair to me so I think a lot of patrons thought she was my child and I was the worst mother in the world.

The next flight I sat next to a nice business man with enough he drink tickets to supply the whole plane. He gave me a few and I took him up on it. A glass of Chardonney helped calm my frazzled Erin/Isabella nerves.

The last flight found me sitting next to two older men in the semen selection business. They were so excited I was a vet. I had to read several papers of theirs and listen to all the lastest and greatest technology in terms of male/female sperm selection. I shared my drink coupons with them and the unmarried older man kept hugging me and saying we would make a great couple. They invited me to dinner at Fridays by their hotel their treat. Thankfully, I had an excuse as my mentor was picking me up. Not that the thought of old men touching me and talking to me about sperm over dinner wasn't appealing.

Now I am all checked in to my hotel- complete with a bathroom no one cleaned. Hooray for other peoples' hair ( a deep phobia of mine) and a full hotel. I will just pretend they changed the sheets.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Airport Adventures

Apparently to TSA agents there is something terribly sinister looking about a 5'6" incredibly pale red head. I am constantly getting pulled aside for full body pat downs or computer checks (what exactly are they checking for when they wipe my laptop?). Today, however, I had a new level of TSA excitement when I got to experience the full body scanner. I was ushered into a clear plastic bubble, told to stand feet spread apart with my hand in the air to cover my face. Then this machine twirls 360 around me. In chatting with the TSA agent after, I learned no worries- even though someone sees you naked they cover your face up and the person looking at you isn't near by. So some random person in Denver International Airport has a nice image of me. FUN TIMES!

Call Me a Blog Hypocrite

So, I have always looked a little down on blogs. They seemed too "Stuff White People Like". I always thought it seemed very presumptuous to think that anyone would really care what I have to say. Who would want to read my rambles. But multiple people have asked me to set up a blog, because randomly unbelievably amusing crap happens to me all the time. So to all of you who love to hear about my misadventure with parasites, near death run-ins and other good Cherry bad luck- I dedicate this blog to you!