Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year's Mulligans

In golf, there exists this wonderful option known as a mulligan. For the non-sports inclined (which I imagine applies to all three of my readers), the mulligan is essentially a "do-over". So as you watch your ball bank horribly to the right, disappearing into the dense woods, you can ask your golf buddies for a mulligan. If they are nice enough (for technically the mulligan is not allowed in the official rules of golf), your friends will grant you a mulligan. You may now tee up, swing straight, and forget your horribly off course shot from two minutes ago.

For me, New Year's is the annual mulligan. As the ball drops and the cheers subsides, I am filled with a sense of hope for the upcoming year. Here is a new chance to get things right, to get my life back on track towards the idealized Cherry life. I roll out the 15 plus long list of resolutions and forge ahead into each new year. Every time boldly stating "2xxx this will be my year!".

Now I realize that there is no real change in the day to day operations of December 31 to January 1. No reason that suddenly things should change or improve. Or really for that matter, no reason that I should have to wait until January to attempt self-improvement. Call me unimaginative, but it just seems easier to try the new life every new year. It is also helpful that the next day is my birthday, so this allows me to have a new calender year and a new age to re-invent myself. It is all very neat and tidy.

As the closet optimist (what you think- Cherry an optimist, have you read her blog?),well it's true, I am. Anyway, as a secretly optimistic kid, I am always sure that this will be my year. I have to hold on to this hope, because what else do I have. Who wants to go into 2012 thinking- well this will be another year of daily drudgery, peppered with misery, and an increased change of choking alone on Lean Cuisine in my apartment, and then having my corpse devoured by my cats. There is no way in hell I would get excited about this holiday if I thought like that. While in reality, 2012 has no greater chance of bringing me fulfillment through career changes or love, it doesn't mean it can't happen.

My review of 2011 is as follows: it was a year of bold moves and epic fails. The start of 2011 found me in the Panhandle of Texas. Completely dissatisfied with the direction of my life, I made a bold move and transferred to Ohio. Thus for the second time in six months, I agreed to move across country to a state I had never been to or ever thought of living in. Things improved in many ways, but it also helped me definitively learn that I cannot stand my job. I hoped by moving to a new territory things would improve. 26,000 miles of driving and a few mental break-downs later, I learned that was not the case.

2011 also saw a first for me. An intense focus on my dating life. I had always made my education a priority, but never put any effort into dating. So in 2011, I tried three online dating sites, went on dates with seven men, and truly fell in love, only to have my heart broken in a most devastating way. Clearly, since I am still writing my single lady blog, nothing worked out from that scenario. What a horrible batting average I have! At the same time, I don't regret it, especially the one real relationship that developed from it. For the first time ever, I let down my guard and loved the only man I have ever met who had basically all the qualities listed on Cherry dream man list. For gosh sakes the kid taught deaf children in Kenya! Sigh. Really long sigh. And though he disappeared without a word from my life- I guess I have to thank him for giving me a glimpse of what true relationship happiness could be.

So 2011 broke my heart and made me consider moving again for the 4 time in under two years (I am being to think I have commitment issues). 2012 may be in fact just as cruel. But, what if it isn't? In fact, hell how could it be? I have been digging around rock bottom for so long, I figure it has to improve. After all, even naked mole rats have to surface eventually. Maybe 2012, maybe, just maybe, you will be my year!